Burned-Out and Stuck? Here’s What To Do About It

Lessons from Working in the Corporate World

Hi Friends, 

I recently wrote about my experience with burnout in part one of my “Breaks are Okay” series, and I wanted to take a deeper dive on burnout here with you. Its no secret that burnout is an epidemic of sorts across many industries, which I found particularly strong during my time working at a corporate consulting firm. It seemed like there was no relief; it was burnout to no end. The higher up the ladder I climbed and the higher I looked, the more people were chronically burned out. Senior leaders were no different–they just had huge burnout muscles so they could carry it better than most. But even they were not exempt. If anything, it seemed to get worse the more senior you became. 

Plus, there is this strange sense of pride in being physically and mentally unwell (let’s just call it as it is). Burnout in the corporate world is worn as a badge of honor. It is earned by working excessively, tirelessly (or rather despite being tired), and at all odds. Employees would brag about pulling all night-ers to finish client deliverables, and “complain” about partners specifically choosing them to work until 3am on a Sunday on their special project. It was pride. Pride in being selected for something elite, and pride in the ability to work more, harder, better than anyone else. 

I subscribed to that for a long time. I was raised to believe that hard work was one of the most valuable virtues, and even measured my own personal value based on my ability to work, and therefore to produce and perform. This burnout culture was made for a person like me. 

We all get burned out from time to time. Maybe there’s a side hustle or hobby of ours we get excited about, and so we spend all of our time thinking about it, playing around with ideas, working on it, and then oof, too much, we need a break. That to me is how I feel most people talk about burn out. We do too much, go a bit to far, try to do too much at once, or are forced to do too much at once, and we don’t know how to care for ourselves in between. All of that is extremely true and couldn’t be more valid. I struggle with this kind of burn out all the time. 

Surviving a culture of chronic burnout

The burnout I’m talking about is the chronic, month after month, even year after year, burnout of feeling so horribly, terribly, and hopelessly stuck in a job that you don’t even know is right for you. You’re so exhausted you can’t even think about it. All of your energy is used to just keep you up, and keep you going. That is the burnout I’m talking about. It’s the burnout I saw everywhere I looked in the corporate world, and all of us were just acting like it was totally normal. It was the thing nobody talked about, but may of us knew we had, only to be subtly and coyly joked about during team meetings where we were all exhausted. But then setting ourselves up to do the same thing, yet again, because that was the expectation. It was how we knew to perform; an unspoken standard. 

The only people who managed to escape it, in my experience, where either well connected, well resourced, extremely strategic, or they just weren’t as motivated by performance as the rest of us. I could write one hundred other blog posts about the nuances of this. Essentially, these people either had the right leadership who didn’t push them harder than necessary, had the resources and means available to delegate or collaborate on their work, really knew the unspoken ins and outs of navigating the corporate system, or just straight up didn’t care. No judgement there. There are so many other things in life that are more important than work. (But, for a long time, and even still, my brain cannot compute just “not caring”.) 

So what about the rest of us who don’t always have those things? What can you do if you feel horribly, helplessly stuck at work and you’re beyond burned out? I’m talking about those who are so burned out, you can’t even seem to pick your head up. You’re feeling stuck and so exhausted you have no energy to even help yourself figure a way out. Maybe you even struggle to care for yourself. Maybe you’re wondering if you’re depressed. Any time you do have to rest, you don’t want to think. And, your whole life (or a significant percentage of it) is revolved around the very thing that is making you feel so stuck in the first place. I’m talking to you. And, its okay, I’ve been there. So many of us have, we just don’t really talk about it. We don’t have the energy. 

Getting out of the burnout whirlpool

It will be okay, and you will find your way out of the seemingly never-ending whirlpool you’re stuck in. One thing that is really important, especially if you are struggling with managing your daily energy, is that you have to be committed to getting yourself out of the swirly mess. You have to be committed to figuring out and actively work on managing your burnout, and getting unstuck, and really want to figure out how to help yourself through it. If you don’t want to help yourself, and put the work in to do it, you aren’t going to go anywhere. You’ll stay stuck in that whirlpool. 

I learned this the hard way, and for years I was so frustrated when I heard “you have to help yourself” or “you have to figure it out.” It would anger me because I wanted to help myself but I was just so worn down. I needed help, and wanted someone to help me get unstuck. The tough news is, no one is going to help you figure it out. People can and will be there to support you, but no one can give you the answer, believe me I tried. You are the only one with the answers, and yes, you already have them. All you have to do is give yourself the time, space, rest, and clarity so you can listen. (And yes, as impossible as it sounds, you can do all of those things.)

This process will take time. Especially, if you’ve been burned out and stuck for a really long time. Often when we talk about burnout, I see recommendations that are band-aid fixes (bubble bath anyone?). But what about a long-term sustainable solution? 

If you’re going into work everyday with a giant pit in your stomach (or more so logging into zoom), here is what that pit is trying to tell you: something has to change. There’s really no way around that. You just have to figure out what, when, and how. 

I’m not saying I’m a specialist at managing burnout, or getting out of the swirly, horrible whirlpool. Clearly, I still have some ways to go there. But, I have managed to find my own way out of the whirlpool that worked for me. I’m confident there is a way out that works for you as well.

There is work to do, but here are a few things I learned during my time feeling really stuck in the corporate world. And, what I observed of others who managed their burnout, and swirly whirlpool, really well: 

(1) Focus on rest

First and foremost, you need to rest. You can’t help yourself if you can barely pick your head up (literally or metaphorically, though hopefully not literally). Try to rest as much as you can. It’s your top priority. Clear your calendar of everything that isn’t critical. Take a “wellness day” (or two) off from work if you’re able to. Rest, and take a break. Do nothing, and invest that time into yourself and your recovery. Try to solely focus on this and finding as much rest time as you can for at least two weeks to one month. The goal here is to give you more energy than you need to just get through the next day. That way you have some extra energy saved up to keep working on your burnout and getting unstuck.

(2) Schedule in self-care time, and stick to it

Next, you need to prioritize and actively schedule in self-care before and after your work hours. There are different kinds of self-care, which is important to note. Use the kind that meets you where you are. 

• Basic self-care is what we are all taught when we are younger: making our bed, taking a shower, washing our face, brushing our teeth, combing our hair, feeding ourselves healthy and nutritious food. You get the picture. A lot of this kind of self-care falls into personal wellness and hygiene which is essential for everyday health. Sometimes we get so burnt out that these things become hard. Be aware of where you are at, and if you’re struggling here, that’s okay. 
• Self-care can also be for maintenance, which includes reading, having alone time to recharge (without any phones), going for a walk or run, and listening to music. These are all examples of self-care that help you maintain a certain level of energy and well-being. They help you recharge and refill your cup. 
• Self-care can also elevate your current level of wellness. This can include trying new activities to move and push your body like rock climbing and boxing, doing self-work and mindset work to invest in yourself, going to therapy, setting healthy boundaries, and using mindfulness practices like journaling and meditation.  

Take some time to reflect on where you are. For a long time, my burnout was so bad I was struggling with basic self-care. And, that’s perfectly okay. (Well, its not okay that your environment is putting you in that situation. But, it is okay to have moments where your basic self-care is hard to do. We aren’t perfect, we’re all human, and sometimes taking care of ourselves is hard.) Focus on the kind of self-care that you need, and build it into your daily structure and routine, particularly around work. 

For example, start with something simple like a morning routine focused on basic self-care and personal wellness. Perhaps, you add a mindfulness practice right before you log on for work. Right after work, you set aside 30 minutes to go for a walk and unwind, and then you end your day with a nighttime routine to recharge your batteries (maybe some reading?) and more basic self-care so you’re ready to get your needed rest. 

Don’t try to implement all of these things at once. You will get overwhelmed and frustrated. It’s a lot to take on at one time, not to mention everything else you’re already struggling to juggle. Pick one thing to start with and go from there. Put your self-care time in your calendar if that helps and keep it as sacred time for yourself. Let something else go that isn’t serving to you make room for that time. Treat it as you would any other meeting, just this time it’s a meeting with yourself. 

(3) Set healthy boundaries

Think about what you need to be successful. What parts of your day aren’t serving you? Are there any instances or situations in your work environment that are actively contributing to your burnout? Build awareness of what specifically is causing or adding to your burnout and set boundaries around them, as you can. 

The goal here should be to accumulate more rest and self-care time for yourself as your boundaries are implemented. Over time, you should start to feel some relief.

There are some realities that come with boundaries that are good to be aware of: 

• First, you will receive pushback. Be ready for that. There are times when stating a limit only once is not enough. And, stating a limit where previously there wasn’t one is going to confuse people who are used to interacting with you in that way. Expect resistance, and don’t let it get to you. It might take several times to communicate effectively, and where able and appropriate, you may need to add consequences. 
• Second, you may struggle internally with your boundaries as well. You may feel like you aren’t able to put any in place. You may think the consequences are too great for putting limits in your environment. Will your performance drop? Might you start to lose professional opportunities? Could you lose the respect of your peers? These might be true, but they also might not. Seriously reflect and consider the worst case scenario and what is worth your health and well-being. That is the tradeoff.

Consider what options work best for you. Think on your values to help you consider what matters most. And, remember that boundaries need to be respected by you as well. If you define a boundary for yourself that you need, make sure you are doing your best to uphold it. 

If you need some extra help, here are some extra tips on thinking through boundaries:

(4) Build active recovery habits 

In physical training, active recovery is a type of low-intensity exercise that typically follows a strenuous workout. The purpose is to help cool the body down while staying active, helping to reduce soreness, increase blood flow, and speed-up the muscle-rebuilding process. For example, you may do a 30 minute intense HIIT workout and then some active recovery by walking for 30 minutes after. 

Think about the most strenuous parts of your day, and make a note of them. What are some ways you can include active recovery after those moments? Maybe you have a really stressful meeting every Wednesday morning, so after the meeting you block 30 minutes off on your calendar to go outside for a quick walk. Or, you have a calming stretching routine after every time you need to do anything in excel (one of my previous strenuous activities). 

Think about ways you can re-energize after these stressful events and try to build mini-routines around them. It can be a daily routine, or used more broadly as well. For example, another tactic I’ve seen that works well is taking a semi-regular “wellness day” off. Every once in a while, take a day for yourself to rest and recharge (to the extent you are able). Try to plan them around periods that might be more stressful for you. For example, if there is a huge deliverable due at the end of the month, take your wellness day after that to help recharge. (If you work in an industry like consulting and have project-based work, always try to take some time off between your projects to rest! Even if its just for a long weekend.

(5) Ask yourself if you’re in an unaligned or unhealthy environment

Now, we start getting into the self-work part. If you’ve been doing everything you can to rest, using the self-care that you need, establishing and maintaining your boundaries, and building active recovery habits, then over time you should be accumulating more energy for yourself. If that hasn’t helped your burnout, and something is still off, then there’s still more work to do. 

This is when we start digging into the thinking and self-reflecting you’re going to have to do to get out of that oh so fun burnout whirlpool. Really sit and think about the environment that you’re in. Does it feel aligned with the life you are committed to living? Do you feel that it is healthy for you? If your immediate answer is no, or you’re not sure, then keep going.

Think about a few of these questions:

• How do I feel when I am in my environment?
• What do I wish I could change? What do I wish my environment had that it doesn’t have now?
• Can I be my authentic self when I show up to work?
• Do I receive the respect I feel is fair and deserved? 
• Do I have a voice in my environment? Am I heard?
• Are my boundaries respected? Are my values compromised? 
• Would I recommend for a friend to be in this environment? An acquaintance? Someone I do not know?
• What does my ideal future working environment look and feel like?

If any of your answers to those questions trouble you, then perhaps you’re not in an aligned or healthy environment for you. Note that ten people can share an environment and every single person can have a completely different perspective on if it is healthy or not. All that matters is how you feel and if it is a good, productive, safe, aligned, and healthy environment to show up in and spend at least 40% of your waking time a week. 

If you are unclear if your environment is aligned with the direction in life that feels right for you, I recommend you read my previous blog post, 3 Steps for Getting Unstuck, to get started. This post helps you work through 3 concise steps to figure out what is in alignment with your intuition, and how to listen to it.

Here is a quick summary of those takeaways:

(6) Surround yourself with like-minded voices and influences

If you recognize that you are in an unhealthy environment, or otherwise feel extremely stuck and alone in the environment you are in, prioritize seeking out those who may have similar wants and desires as you in the workplace. Surround yourself with people who are looking for the same things you are looking for. Engage with them, and try to work with them. You may have to look outside of your regular environment to do this. 

Extra tip: Find those who are actively doing and practicing what your future self would be doing right now. If you surround yourself with people who are doing, living, breathing what you want to do and what is in alignment with your future goals, then eventually you will, too. Immerse yourself in a like-minded community. You may have to look outside of your work environment for this. 

(7) Check-in with yourself 

Actively, continuously, and regularly check-in with yourself. And do this more frequently if you feel stuck in an unaligned environment. What is your intuition saying? What feels right or wrong for you? How can you take steps now to get to where you need to go?

The thing is, you already know that the answer is. You already know how you feel about your environment. And, you already know what you want to do about it. You just have to tap into your intuition and regularly practice listening to what it is telling you. Use the earlier steps of rest, self-care, and setting boundaries to create more space for yourself to listen. Go on walks and think about it. Meditate. Journal every morning to ask yourself what your intuition is saying. It will come to you with time. 

This may sound cooky but trust me, this is exactly the process I went through, and it works. For three years, I felt so hopelessly lost and stuck. I knew something was wrong, but I had no idea what, or what I could do about it. I talked to everyone I trusted and asked for advice but they said some version of “figure it out” or “be grateful you’re here in the first place” or some other advice that did not feel right for me.

Yes, be grateful for what you have, but be careful that practicing gratitude doesn’t overshadow an unhealthy environment that could be damaging for you. Instead, be grateful to your past self for putting the work in to get to where you are now, and be grateful to your present self for respecting your worth and forward progress. We all change and grow. Sometimes that means we grow out of things, and that’s okay. Check-in with yourself, and make sure you are really clear on what is best for you. 

For some journaling prompts to get you in touch with your intuition, check out this post caption:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CJgKybDjdig/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Still burned out, stuck, and no end in sight? Here’s what to think through

If those tips don’t work, you’re still feeling terribly stuck, and your environment doesn’t help or support your needs, its time to think about bigger options. Maybe it’s time to think about making a change, or even leaving. If something isn’t serving you, let it go. 

While extreme, perhaps leaving a job is the best option for you, but you could very well be in a situation where that is not possible. It’s okay. All hope is not lost. I’ve been there, too. 

If this is you, now its time to make a plan. Develop a short-term, medium-term, and long-term approach for how to work through your current situation and make some changes that can help you, but are also possible in your environment. 

Consider this example: What can you do now, in 3 months, and in 6+ months? 

• Short-Term (Now): What can you do TODAY to make your environment better for you? Maybe its talking to your supervisor to simply let them know you are burned out and need support. Maybe its talking to your team about values and boundaries. Facilitating a team norming session can sometimes work wonders. You can be surprised by how many people have the same concerns you do! Sometimes just speaking up makes all the difference. 
• Mid-Term (3 months): Is there another office or position in the company you can transfer to that could have a different environment?
• Long-Term (6+ Months): If you are unable to leave your environment, now is the time to lead by example. This requires strength, so make sure you are using the previous steps to make sure you are as rested and energized as possible. Think about the kind of environment you wish you had and become that influence. Propose new ideas to your boss, and volunteer to pilot them for the group. Remember, you may not be the only one experiencing an issue, and your boss may be stretched too thin, or may not know how to solve it. 

(Side note: If nothing is working and it feels right for you, consider looking into (or starting) your emergency savings to prepare for a potential future job switch. Start brushing up your resume, cover letter, LinkedIn, and conducting a job search to get you into a new environment. Consider other resources available to you to make a long term sustainable switch that will support your health and well-being. While I do not advocate leaving a job on a whim, I DO advocate leaving toxic, unhealthy, and harmful environments of any kind. If this resonates with you, make a plan early so you are prepared to make the change you need.)

Remember the worst that anyone can say is no. You will not get fired or moved off of the team for respectfully raising a concern about your ability to perform well. Even if you feel your boss doesn’t care about you as a person, guaranteed they do care about your ability to produce for them. So tie all of your points to how they limit your ability to perform at your best, and come to the conversation prepared with some solutions to discuss!

As always, you are not alone 💖 

Shine on,

Before you go… 

▫️Follow along on Instagram! 
▫️If you haven’t already, subscribe to the Stellar newsletter!
▫️Subscribers, check out the latest self-work resources in the Library!
▫️New to Isn’t She Stellar? Read more about the blog in this welcome post!
▫️Like the Facebook page and find others who are shining away!
▫️Share this post with your friends who are also working on themselves!