Work is Just Something You Don’t Want to Do: A Reflection

I have a weird relationship with the word “work”, and I have a strong feeling I’m not the only one. I was raised to be a hard worker. In fact, sometimes I feel it is my one true skill that I can confidently stand behind. Every report card, term assessment, and now performance review, says something like “Celeste is one of the hardest workers I know.”

This used to be a huge source of pride. My face would beam when someone commented on my work ethic. But our society’s culture around work—and the glorification of it—has shifted this view in my adult years to a negative one. Now all I hear is: work hard, work fast, work more, work efficiently. Work, work, work, work. When colleagues say, “Oh, Celeste’s got it. She works really hard” my heart sinks.

Something that I had so much pride in is now one of my largest sources of anxiety and dread. My to-do list has become my never-vanquished enemy, a “hey are you free?” text from a co-worker makes me want to run and hide, and even fun things like starting an exciting, enjoyable project are just too exhausting.

If work is good, why do we hate it?

What’s interesting is that, as humans, we desire to be productive. The quantity of our work (productivity) is often related to our value, and we relate our value to our ability to contribute towards something meaningful. In fact, studies show that happy people are 12% more productive. And in his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson argues that “true happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving” (you can find his CliffsNotes version here). If you can only solve problems by working on them, and if doing work is a mechanism for happiness and fulfillment, what is the disconnect with my feelings of anxiety and dread when I hear “work”?

Here’s my theory: “Work” is just something you don’t want to do. It does not spark joy (à la Marie Kondo). It all comes down to what actions energize us, and how we manage that energy. By prioritizing and focusing on energy-generating actions, we find work we enjoy doing and problems we enjoy solving. For those that relate, we’ve slowly been conditioned to dread “work” because so few of us are actually putting our energy towards something that genuinely re-energizes us. So, the disconnect is what you are working on.

Some things energize us, and others don’t

So, let’s paint a picture: gamers love to play video games. They’ll literally play all day, non-stop. They’ve been known to skip homework, call in “sick”, and ignore thier partners because all they want to do is keep playing in what is now a $159 billion industry. Why? Because at the end of the day, gaming energizes them.

Well, I am not a gamer, so if someone made me play for two hours, I would definitely not be a fan. I’d probably eventually figure out how to navigate the game, but just because I’d feel positively about getting through a few levels without complete obliteration, doesn’t mean I like playing anymore than I did before. That is accomplishment, not energy. We often confuse the two.

Playing video games is, therefore, “work” to me. It’s me investing time and energy into something that is not going to energize me in return. So, when I’m done, my “energy tank” is lower, and less is available for other things. I can either do work that would energize me and refill the tank (like read a book, or go to the gym). Or, I can do work that will only take energy and leave my tank running low (like doing anything in excel).

This applies to everything in life. Are you putting your time and energy into work that re-energizes you? It’s an exchange, and the goal is to keep your energy levels as stable as possible throughout the day.

Sometimes, the things we love become too much

So, “work”—and the anxiety and dread that lies around it—is just something you don’t want to do. It doesn’t fill your energy tank, it just takes from it. You have to find tasks, activities, and projects that are guaranteed net positive re-fillers and are worth your own energy investment.

But, let’s say you come across something that seems worthwhile. It’s not “work” to you but you are still not energized or motivated to try it. It’s too much for you to take on right now, you’re too busy, or just too tired. This happens when we try to take on tasks—even ones that we enjoy—that require more energy to execute than we currently have.

Let’s paint another picture: You love to play the guitar. Music fills you with so much energy, it’s as if you could battle Jimi Hendrix himself. However, you’ve had a terrible day at work and you can’t stop thinking about how infuriating your boss is. When you get home you’re totally drained, and nothing sounds sweeter than playing some guitar. Usually, you do, and it picks you right back up. Except, this really bad day at work has turned into a really bad week…month…and now, year. Every time you come home, you barely have enough energy to tie your shoelaces, let alone riff a few chords. You don’t have enough energy in your tank to even do an activity that could potentially refill it.

So many of us continuously live in this depleted energy state. It’s also known as burn out.

Certain activities require different levels of upfront energy investment. If we don’t have enough energy for them on the onset, they seem daunting and sometimes impossible. We want to start that side hustle or train for that 10k, but it’s overwhelming to start when our tanks are consistently low. How can you invest significant time, energy, and thought into something new when you barely have enough for what you need right now?

If it doesn’t serve you, let it go

That’s the problem. We spend most of the day doing work we don’t want to do and wasting energy on things that don’t re-energize us. The worst part is that we tell ourselves “oh well, this is just the way it is” or “I’ll just find joy in the small things.”

Why are we accepting this as the norm? I refuse to move forward in life under the expectation (self-imposed or otherwise) that I have to suffer through so many draining activities. For those of us experiencing this continuous burn out, why are we so pressured to just suffer through anyway? We know it’s possible to live energetically. We’ve seen the people that are so obsessed and in love with what they chose to spend their time on. They often can’t stop talking about it. In our exhausted, overworked, and jaded view, we find their joy obnoxious and annoying. It’s jealousy.

They are showing us that we can do it. We just have to make smart, prioritized energy investments in what we decide to work on. And, if what we are working on energizes us, then its no longer “work”, it’s fulfillment. Our energy tank is filled.

So, that also means cutting the junk out of our lives that does not give us energy back. It’s a leech on the sides of our tanks, and it’s time to let it go. Yes, it will be hard to do that. Our energy drainers could align with how we value ourselves, how we currently define success, and what we think is the “right” thing to do. It may mean we have to set some boundaries with people we love and respect. But, you have to do the tough thinking and really get clear on if the energy you choose to invest is being returned to you. If you’re working on the wrong things, you’re just going to be getting by.

As Marie says, if it does not spark joy, thank it for what it has brought you, and let it go.

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