3 Steps to Getting Unstuck

Feeling stuck is real. We’ve all been there, and some of us are probably still there now. I personally felt stuck for a very long time, and found it so overwhelming that even the thought of trying to figure a way out was too daunting. It does take work, but knowing where to start is sometimes the hardest part. Here, I’ll walk through 3 steps to untangle the swirly mess you’re feeling and get unstuck.

The first thing to keep in mind is that this is not an overnight process. It’s also not as straightforward as asking yourself a few questions one day, and immediately getting all of the answers. It’s asking yourself these questions every day, reflecting on them, and understanding the “why “. The guiding questions below will help you get the clarity you need to take meaningful action.

Getting Unstuck Step 1: Re-write your success story

Have you ever asked yourself what is your vision of success?

By that I truly mean your vision. Do you really want that promotion, or is it what you’re supposed to do next? Do you really want that master’s degree, or is it what other people in your industry are doing? The list goes on, but my point is that, culturally, we have told ourselves the same story of success time and time again: Go to school, get good grades, go to a good college, graduate, get a good job, get a second degree, get married, buy the house with the white picket fence, have 2.5 kids, get promoted, buy that fancy car, go on 2 vacations a year, retire at 65, and then, enjoy the rest of your life.

We have been conditioned to see this path as a successful one and if we miss any of these marks, that means we are failing. We believe we aren’t good enough, and don’t have what it takes to “make it”.

But, is that actually what you want? If you could re-write the story, would you include the same things? For a long time, I believed in that cultural narrative, and pushed myself beyond my limits so I could fit it. I saw others navigating the levels with apparent ease, and was so frustrated with myself. Why is it so easy for them? How can they do five things at once when I am struggling just to show up? Also, they looked so happy about it, and I was obviously miserable. I was comparing myself to others who subscribed to that success narrative, when I did not. If that isn’t what I want my life to look like, then why am I comparing myself to others who have chosen it?

What took me a long time to realize was this:

Living by other people’s versions of success is never going to bring fulfillment, because it is not truly in alignment with yourself.

Living by how others define success means you’re constantly battling your inner compass (a.k.a. intuition), forcing it to point in a different direction than the one it wants to show you. You’re conditioning your thinking to believe this is what you want.

For those that truly believe in that cultural success narrative, that’s great. It’s a good narrative! But, that doesn’t mean it’s good for everyone, and we know by looking at those who are achieving amazing things in life that there are many different ways of “being successful”. It all comes down to what you value. For those of us who want a different path, it’s time to unsubscribe.

Getting Unstuck Step 2: Listen to your intuition; it already knows the answer

Even realizing that your inner compass should be pointing somewhere else is tough to acknowledge on its own. Most of the time, that cultural success narrative is so engrained into our subconscious that we don’t even know how tightly we are forcing our compass needle to stay pointing towards it. And, when we do start to question it and loosen the grip, we’re struck by the soreness in our muscles. It’s not easy letting go. We start to panic, and this is where we feel stuck.

You aren’t going to know where you have to go and what you have to change without doing the tough work. That means learning to listen, understand, and respect what your intuition is telling you. Often times, when our intuition speaks to us it’s quickly drowned out by, “I can’t do that, that’s crazy” or, “if only I had [enter excuse here]” or, the sneakier version, “wow, it’s so cool they can do something like this”. Many of us get stuck here, because we know what we are doing now isn’t working, but then have no idea what to do about it. If this is you (this was me for 5 years), start paying attention to those phrases. They tend to work like a weird version of Marco Polo: the closer you get to “the thing” the louder they get.

If you feel stuck, spend some time doing this: Give yourself one month to just live your life, but commit to acknowledging the self doubt and uncovering what’s hiding behind it. What is your intuition telling you? Where is your inner compass pointing? Ask yourself why you want that. Clarifying the why is important. It helps guide every decision you have to make next.

Getting Unstuck Step 3: Get clear on where you’re going

If you’re possibly one of those people forcing their inner compass needle to stay in place, then take a look at the people around you. In particular, look at those ahead of you on your current success track. What are their lives like? What are their responsibilities? How are they spending their time? What actions are valued and rewarded?

And then ask yourself: Is this the life you want? If not, you have to change your path, because you already know what the result will be if you stay. You have to get out of your comfort zone and do something different.

Getting uncomfortable also means looking inward at the things you probably don’t want to look at. Are you able to accept the life you are looking for? Do you have the right habits, mindset, values, and priorities that align with that lifestyle? Chances are, probably not. They are most likely aligned to the life you are currently living, and you already know it’s not working for you.

Okay, now you are clear on why your current path isn’t working. The next step is understanding what you have to change to get to get to where your intuition is telling you to go. Here are a few key questions to ask yourself:

• What values do you want to live by?
• What should you de-prioritize that isn’t in line with your vision of success?
• What do you need to make more time for?
• What new habits do you need to build, and what old habits do you need to break?

If you don’t do this work, get this level of clarity, and make the needed changes, you are just going to get the same results you were always getting. If you tell yourself that you can’t make these changes—that it’s too hard, or not possible for whatever reason—then you are also telling yourself that you don’t actually want that life you think you want. Change comes from aligned action!

Whew, that’s a lot of thinking, but it’s okay! You’ve got this. Here are some key takeaways for getting unstuck:

• Ask yourself, “what is your vision of success?” Don’t be afraid to write a different success story from the one you’re living now
• Pay attention to internal phrases of self-doubt. They are trying to hide what your intuition is telling you
• Ask yourself, “why do I want this?”
• Observe others ahead of you on your current path. Do you want your life to look that way?
• Reflect on the values, priorities, and habits you need to get you where you want to go

Remember to be patient with yourself. This is a HUGE undertaking, and not a simple one. It requires a lot of honesty, self awareness, and dedication. Why do it? Because you already know what the answer is if you don’t.

Most people don’t get this right away. I’m still working at this every day—thinking about these questions, rewriting my success story, making sure I’m clear on where I want to go, and why it’s important to me. I share this, not to provide “the answer”, but in the hopes that it sparks some inspiration in the unfun swirliness of doubt.

And, don’t do this alone! Talk it out with a friend. You will gain confidence and reassurance in yourself the more you vocalize what you are thinking through.

Can’t wait to see you shine!

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